Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I think a kid would responsible me up
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize