I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
