every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
