She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
