Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
