Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
