1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
