My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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