Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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