At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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