Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize