thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
