Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize