soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
