girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
