yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
