I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
