K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
She just used a chaser for red wine.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
