I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
