Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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