I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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