someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
