Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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