Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
