THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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