U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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