the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
