swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
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