There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
