Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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