You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
