Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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