I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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