I will die if light touches me.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
