i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Randomize
