So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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