I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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