So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
