the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
