Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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