There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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