I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
