Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
