Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Randomize
