my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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