put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize