I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize