What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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