dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
