I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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