Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
