I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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