Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
