I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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