Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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