As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
