wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
