My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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