it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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