fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
