There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
