now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You made out with two different species that night
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Just pee around me
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
