I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
