Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
