Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
