toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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