Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
