You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
