I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He felt like a one man threesome
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
