Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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