so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
