I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
