And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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